Grandma came home yesterday, after 11 days of being
in the hospital then 3 days of being in a nursing home (mainly for observation
as she transitioned into hospice care). It was a pretty terrifying journey for
her and for us that love her.
On June 8th she was admitted into the hospital with high
blood pressure and a little dehydration (nothing new...). A day and a half
later "something" happened to her at 2am on Sunday, June 10th. I
am still not sure what it was but I think it was a stroke of some sort. The
countless doctors and tests that were done on her were painful to watch.
Initially, no one could wake her. We had no
response from her for a day and a half but we were convinced that she could still hear us. Those of
us that live in S. Florida spoke with her and touched her and my niece and I
would take turns napping with her in her hospital bed so that she felt someone
nearby. We would tell her who was calling to wish her well, about flowers that
were being delivered, about prayer chains that had been started (locally, in
New Orleans, New York, Italy, Columbia, Haiti and in her home country of El
Salvador) and reassuring her that we would be there by her side.
By Monday afternoon my brother E (who flew in
from DC) went to see her. She and my brother share a mischievous nature and she
had recently been asking when he was coming to visit. He sat next to her bed,
spoke to her, joked with her, held her hand and kissed her head. As he was talking to her, her
eyes shuttered open, barely but we'd made a connection. Over the next couple of
hours she opened her eyes and although they made no specific eye contact it was
an improvement from her "sleeping" state and we were elated. That
evening my Aunt F arrived (flew in from New Orleans where most of our family
lives) and she also spoke with her, doted on her and grandma started tearing.
Another break though - an emotional reaction...
In the early hours of Tuesday two more aunts
(RM and E) and two of my cousins arrived from New Orleans. They too spoke to
grandma, caressed her arms, kissed her and let her know they were there and
that many people were wishing her a speedy recovery and praying for her. Later
that day another breakthrough, she started making brief eye contact and was
starting to respond to comments and questions. She had a very hard time
speaking and swallowing but she was slowly coming back. This was the beginning
of an extremely emotional roller coaster for all of us, especially grandma who
until a few days ago was an active centenarian. She would cry (then we would cry), she kept saying she was going to die but that she didn't want
to die, that she was scared. The days passed with a code being called (but
cancelled due to the DNR), with grandma crying and unable to communicate well, with
grandma becoming aware that she was not in control of her body anymore, with
final good byes, with last rites (first time she had every received last rites) and with blessings and thanks from grandma to
all of us....
Then came more tough decisions... On the first day
that grandma went to the hospital (and her previous visits too) she
signed a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate). She did not want to be kept alive
artificially or with machines. As the days moved on and her condition remained
critical, her daughters (all five) agreed to home-hospice care. Grandma always
wanted to die at home (preferably in her sleep and certainly without pain). Hospice care allows people to die naturally, with dignity and in our case with a loving family. Just being faced with hospice was such a tough realization. Grandma was critical and we knew
that she would not want to be prodded and poked through her last day. We
witnessed the pain in her face as blood was taken or she was moved for x-rays
or cat scans, the testing seemed endless and most often pointless.
With all the paperwork signed, grandma left the
hospital. She was moved to a nursing home (appalling to us all - we had a very bad perception of nursing homes - but it was the
only hospice facility available near my mom's house - my mom is her guardian). She went
there for observation and while we cleared her room for the hospice equipment
needed. By this time, Grandma was communicating and slowly recovering (she was
acutely aware of her condition and surroundings). The next morning when I saw
her she told me "I'm not crazy, why am I in an asylum?", We assured
her that it wasn't an asylum and that she was there for a few days and would be
going home soon - she didn't believe us. I took her around the facility in her
wheel chair, she would stretch her neck to catch a glimpse of people's rooms
then we went past the activity room and I sped by. Then I reminded myself that
grandma is a pretty tough cookie. I asked her if she wanted to go check out the
activity room and she said yes. It had about 8 or so elderly people, some
seemed to be asleep, some looked at her and one had a baby doll in her arms. Grandma
wanted no part and told me to take her back to her room.
The nursing staff was incredible, they bathed
and dressed her in clothes - no hospital robes during the day (cleanliness and appearance are
very important to my grandma), they allowed grandma to be independent but also
knew when she needed help. They even allowed us to bring our small dogs to
spend time with grandma (my mom's Schnauzer and my Maltese were able to visit).
She had a routine and was more active (sitting, moving around in the
wheelchair, going to the little garden for fresh air and being taken to a real
bathroom (no more bed pans or commodes - she hated those).
Yesterday when she realized she was being taken
home she cried. She hadn't cried since she'd gotten to the nursing home (not in
front of me), she had told me that she had no more tears left but the emotion
of going home made her cry. She has always been scared of dying in a hospital
(and I guess, recently, of dying in an "asylum") and now she was
going home. I was waiting for her at my mom's house. She was brought in by the
paramedics and immediately started to cry again saying she never thought she'd
be back home. It was such a wonderful moment; we (her will to live and all
the love and prayers) had brought her home.
She was gently put in a wheelchair by the paramedics as she cried. We took her to see her
"remodeled" room and then to the dining room for tea and cookies (her
sweet tooth is definitely back). Thankfully she did not have any loss of
movement in her body. We are focused on getting her energy back but she wants to focus on using her legs :-) And we are all going to church to thank God, St. Jude, St Francis and the countless other saints we prayed to. She also wants to write thank you cards to everyone (she's definitely coming back :-)
Anna Evelyn: Having seen grandma go through this critical episode, I realized that she still has so much to say and express. I hope to capture her thoughts and I pray that she stays a bit longer :-)
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